LCD Soundsystem pictures.

I hate the iPhone camera.

Sweep me off my feet, singing “ain’t this life so sweet?”

So I just watched The Girl Next Door for the first time in a while. I am unashamed to admit my love for this movie. I don’t know what it is, whether it be the fact that I find it hilarious, the fact that Elisha Cuthbert is in it, or the fact that its one of the more secretly romantic movies that I like. Either way, I always get really happy when I watch it, yet (like everything else, basically) it also makes me relatively sad. You see, it came out a month and 25 days after I broke up with my first serious girlfriend, and the only girl I’ve ever been in love with. Those of you know who know me know how this ended, and I don’t want to relive those last few moments. Anyway, this movie shows me how things can be when its not fucked up. Its funny to think that a movie about a porn star falling in love with a high school senior is less fucked up than my real life situation.

Either way, this movie makes me long for what I had, for that one year where I knew I was in love, for that time when I wasn’t so bitter and jaded and cynical. It makes me long for love, which seems trite (after all, how can a teen comedy make me feel for something I had when I was barely a teenager?), but its true. I don’t understand love, perhaps because I was too young when I last felt it, but I long to feel it. I long to be within the embrace of its arms. It may seem like the girl doesn’t even matter, that I just want love, and to a certain extent, that seems true. But alas, I would much rather meet a wonderful girl than fall in love once more with someone that is not right for me. I don’t want love, I am greedy. I want a love that I actually feel, and that is returned.

PS – This move has one of the more underrated soundtracks, in terms of striking the right mood while hitting all the right notes within the hearts of the pathetic romantics (me, at the moment).

I have seen into the wasteland.

Being in Miami really bores the fuck out of me. That’s the best place to start with this post. I hate that it makes me feel this way now, where has my love for my hometown gone? Did I ever really have it, or was I in love with the idea of a tropical paradise? I think it has to do with my general detachment from anyone here. I don’t have many friends who are in the area, or at least people I would want to hang out with. Instead, I’m stuck at home or at my mom’s house (which is good, but I can’t handle too much of that).

I’ve been listening to a lot of music, which is what always happens when I’m bored and alone. I seem to be gravitating back to my Sunset Rubdown phase (see: title of this blog post), which always puts me in a great, if contemplative mood. I want what Spencer sings about, but somehow I’m ok with not having it. Its a weird paradox that really dominates my life: I want one thing, yet it seems like I act in direct opposition of that. I am talking, of course, of my love life. Do I ever really feel about anything else? No, probably not. So instead of doing something about it, I just brood and then when something falls into my lap, I run away from it faster than anyone should. And then I blog about it. Because that makes things better, no?

My problems seem so minuscule, so much so that I know they are. There are things in my life I should worry about more than what girl I want to fall in love with; my grades, my future, how much money I have, etc etc. But I always, against my common sense, fall back to wanting someone to love. I know love is supposed to be the grand accomplishment of humanity, which is why we have to struggle for it. That doesn’t make the waiting any better.

On meeting people at the wrong time.

It sucks.