I have seen into the wasteland.

Being in Miami really bores the fuck out of me. That’s the best place to start with this post. I hate that it makes me feel this way now, where has my love for my hometown gone? Did I ever really have it, or was I in love with the idea of a tropical paradise? I think it has to do with my general detachment from anyone here. I don’t have many friends who are in the area, or at least people I would want to hang out with. Instead, I’m stuck at home or at my mom’s house (which is good, but I can’t handle too much of that).

I’ve been listening to a lot of music, which is what always happens when I’m bored and alone. I seem to be gravitating back to my Sunset Rubdown phase (see: title of this blog post), which always puts me in a great, if contemplative mood. I want what Spencer sings about, but somehow I’m ok with not having it. Its a weird paradox that really dominates my life: I want one thing, yet it seems like I act in direct opposition of that. I am talking, of course, of my love life. Do I ever really feel about anything else? No, probably not. So instead of doing something about it, I just brood and then when something falls into my lap, I run away from it faster than anyone should. And then I blog about it. Because that makes things better, no?

My problems seem so minuscule, so much so that I know they are. There are things in my life I should worry about more than what girl I want to fall in love with; my grades, my future, how much money I have, etc etc. But I always, against my common sense, fall back to wanting someone to love. I know love is supposed to be the grand accomplishment of humanity, which is why we have to struggle for it. That doesn’t make the waiting any better.

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